Merry Christmas Eve!

This holiday...

...I hope you survive celebrations with your family...

...I hope the reindeer don't tear up your lawn...

...and I hope Santa likes your cookies.

Merry Christmas!

Best Oatmeal Raisin Cookies in the Whole Wide World

Earlier this year we discussed edible oatmeal, however, if you are looking for truly delicious oatmeal, stop right here and soak up the realization that your life will never be the same again. From now on you will always know that you possess the secrets of the universe wrapped in the fresh baked goodness of these oatmeal raisin cookies.

[Looking for the vegan update to this recipe? Click here.]

50 Bottle Water Challenge

For the next week I will be participating in the 50 Bottle Water Challenge.

The 50 Bottle Water Challenge is based on consuming 50 bottles of water in seven days. This ends up equaling approximately 25 liters/6.5 gallons. Allow me to share with you my reasons for embarking on such a challenge:

1. Water encourages healthy skin, and based on my current blotchyness, I can use all the happy skin mojo I can get.

2. Hydration repairs dry lips. The first sign I'm getting dehydrated is usually sore, cracking, flaking lips. I, being the resilient badass I am, tend to power through this and wind up eating my own lip scales until I bleed. This is not pretty.

3. Adequate water consumption encourages loss of water weight. Supposedly the human body can carry a few extra pounds of water weight because most people aren't giving their bodies regular watering, thus causing the body to hoard water like a camel. This is also not pretty, and I don't know about you, but I can get down with skinniness for Christmas.

4. Water curbs appetite. Now that I'm unemployed and spending the vast majority of my time chillin' on my couch, I've been boredom eating. This new hobby of mine is undoubtedly delicious, but also undoubtedly hazardous and should be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.

5. My toilet and I just haven't had enough bonding time lately and I would like to visit it as much as possible during the next week. (Can you taste the sarcasm there?)

What are the rules of this 50 Bottle Water Challenge, you ask?

Well, that depends on just how committed you are. If you're really, really committed you can choose to eliminate all other fluids from your diet and consume solely water for seven days. If you're not really down with that you can take the more taste-friendly route and drink whatever the hell you want. The only real "rule" with the second camp is that alternative beverages don't count toward your daily water consumption. Personally, I've decided to adopt the second method, with the added rule that for every alcoholic beverage consumed I must drink one additional bottle of water. I'm hoping that by painstakingly doing this for a week I will be reminded to keep the H2O flowing during my future alcohol-enjoying endeavors.

Before you health freaks and scientists rip me to shreds in the comments, I would like to remind everyone that I am NOT a health freak or scientist or doctor or dietician or circus performer. Everything I do is subject to my own stupidity and subsequent failure. As such, I can not be held responsible for your stupidity and failure. I will, however, happily take full blame for your success if you choose to let me.

Also, I know many people recommend consuming a gallon of water per day, every day, always, but the reality of the situation is that most average Joes (like me) don't do this and taking up the 50 Bottle Water Challenge is a great jumping off point to make you aware of your own water consumption.

If you have any questions about the Challenge or if you decide to take it on yourself, let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear how you do.

In the meantime, I will do my best to keep my updates posted here and on Twitter. I give you full permission to hold me accountable in publicly embarrassing ways!

UPDATE: I finished the challenge! Read about my experience here.

Banana Twinkies and Minions!

I have fallen prey to the marketing ploy of little yellow minions.

These are banana Twinkies. Endorsed by minions.

This can't possibly go wrong.

Homemade DIY Sugar and Spice Body Scrub Recipe

Not gonna lie. This kind of looks like poop.

I promise, it's much better than poop.

As a matter of fact, this is a super-spectacular DIY beauty treatment that will make your already-gorgeous self especially smooth skinned and glowy.

Glowy, not sparkly. We can't all be Edward.

There's a good chance you already have all of the ingredients in your house waiting to be made into scrubbiness....that is, if you're the kind of person who already has coconut oil and adorable teeny tiny baby food jars in their cabinets. If you're not, that's okay. I wasn't either.

In case you haven't gotten to know coconut oil yet, I'd like the honor of introducing you.

You, this is coconut oil. Coconut oil, this is you.

There. Now that everybody knows everybody, you can read this list of all the amazing things the two of you can do together and then make this scrub, which I have been so nice as to write into a small recipe and a big recipe. Don't you love me?

The Small Sugar and Spice Body Scrub Recipe

Ingredients:

2 tbs coconut oil
2 tbs brown sugar
1 tbs white sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp cloves
1/4 tsp ginger

Instructions:

1. Put your coconut oil in a little bowl. Warm it up if necessary. Soft is good, liquid is liquidy. In layman's terms that is approximately fifteenish seconds in the microwave.

2. Dump your sugars and spices on top of the oil.

3. Stir.

4. Test the texture. If it's too harsh for your skin add some more oil. If it isn't gritty enough add some more sugar. In my experience the brown sugar is gentler than the white sugar.

5. Scoop the whole thing into a pretty little jar.

6. To use, rub mixture into wet skin and rinse off. A light layer of oil should be left on the skin for moisturizing awesomeness.

The Big Sugar and Spice Body Scrub Recipe

Ingredients:
1 cup coconut oil
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
3 tbs cinnamon
2 tsp ginger
2 tsp cloves

Instructions:

1. Put your coconut oil in a bowl. Warm it up if necessary. Soft is good, liquid is liquidy. In layman's terms that is approximately fifteenish seconds in the microwave. Probably more. You be the judge.

2. Dump your sugars and spices on top of the oil.

3. Stir.

4. Test the texture. If it's too harsh for your skin add some more oil. If it isn't gritty enough add some more sugar. In my experience the brown sugar is gentler than the white sugar.

5. Scoop the everything into pretty little jars to give to your friends.

6. To use, rub mixture into wet skin and rinse off. A light layer of oil should be left on the skin for moisturizing awesomeness. 


That's it, folks. If you give this a try let me know how it works for you, especially if you tweak it in fantastic new ways.

Happy scrubbing!

Triple Cheese Baked Ziti

I'm going to tell you right now, my pictures of this suck. Mostly because it was cold and the sun was setting and my lighting was off, but also because it smelled so good I couldn't wait to eat it and subsequently got sloppy. If you want better pictures, make it yourself.

This is super simple to make. It may not even require half your ass.

You start by gathering your ingredients. It is fully acceptable to steal ingredients from friends and neighbors to avoid the grocery store.

Then you cook your pasta (if you need to learn how to boil water click here) and dump all your ingredients into the pot and stir. Do not burn your hands on the absurdly hot pot handles.

Then you dump it all in a pan and put more cheese on it because cheese is an amazing thing and you can never have too much of it.

Then you put it in the oven and then you take it out of the oven and let it cool off so all the cheesiness doesn't cause permanent burn damage to the roof of your mouth.

And then you eat it and you tell everybody you know that it's terrible so that they don't eat it and there's more for you.

 Did you get all that? No? Oh, fine. Read the recipe then:


Ingredients

1lb box of ziti
15oz ricotta cheese (approximately 1 3/4 cup)
3 1/4 cups of tomato sauce (that's more than one jar, just FYI)
8oz shredded mozzarella cheese
1 tsp salt
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp pepper
Parmesan cheese to taste (I used the stuff in the green shaker can that may or may not be real cheese, but you can use the fresh stuff if you're fancy like that)

Instructions

1. Cook your pasta in a great big pot according to the directions on the box. After draining noodles, return them to the pan.

2. Add approximately 2 1/2 cups (24oz) of tomato sauce to the pot along with ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese, and seasonings. Stir until well combined.

3. Pour the additional 3/4 cup of tomato sauce into a 9x13 pan. Spread it across the bottom and up the sides.

4. Dump the ziti into the 9x13, spread it out, and then sprinkle the Parmesan cheese across the top.

5. Cover pan with foil to keep cheesiness from escaping and bake at 375 for 30 minutes.

6. Serve with leftover Thanksgiving punch.


Enjoy!

I Might Love Macaroni and Cheese

I have a thing for macaroni and cheese. It's not a fetish, exactly, more of just...a love. A deep, creepy, stalker love, granted, but isn't stalking the truest expression of admiration? Although, I suppose since macaroni and cheese is generally quite incapable of independent movement I'm not so much a stalker as a kidnapper. No, not a kidnapper. I don't sit outside the playground trying to lure delicious bowls of macaroni and cheese into my creepy van. We'll come back to titles later.

At any rate, I woke up this morning with an undeniable craving for macaroni and cheese. I had to have macaroni and cheese. But not just any macaroni and cheese. No. I needed the Great Value (aka: Walmart) Rich and Creamy boxed macaroni and cheese. Thing is, I want it circa five years ago, and as we all know, grocery store brands are notorious for changing their recipes as soon as they have you hooked.

In an attempt to satisfy my craving, I perused my collection of macaroni and cheese. (That's it! I'm a collector, not a stalker kidnapper.) Nothing in my collection could even come close to the tangy deliciousness wrapped around chewy macaroni noodles that lived in the red box back in 2008.

You want to know what the really embarrassing part is? I have more than one of each of these mac-and-cheeses in my kitchen cupboards. I almost don't have enough space in there for the Oreos.