New Things and Seitan Sandwiches

I've been on a bit of a kick for trying new things lately. I say "bit of" because I am very firmly rooted in my comfort zone and I don't want any of you to try to poke me out of it. (Edible bribes are much more effective than poking anyway.) But I have been slowly, tentatively, introducing new things into my comfort zone.

First, I started watching a new TV show: Madam Secretary. Holy cow, is it good. It has a lot of West Wing vibes, which I appreciate, but it definitely has its own flavor.

Then, when I realized I was binge-watching to an extreme degree, I decided to do something productive while I watched TV (to negate the shame). I started knitting. I've been knitting off and on for at least 15 years...probably more. So it isn't the knitting itself that's new, it's the project. I have officially begun my first sweater. I am equal parts terrified and excited.

Which is why I needed snacks.

You can't be terrified and excited and not have snacks.

So I made my first loaf of seitan.

And then I made sandwiches.

Spinach and Chickpea Stuffed Shells

After I went vegan, I tried to make stuffed shells with a tofu ricotta because one of the YouTube vegans swore up and down that it was the most amazing stuff ever and you couldn't even tell the difference between tofu and ricotta.

She was wrong.

It was terrible.

So I've been skeptical about trying anyone else's ricotta substitutes, let alone a recipe like stuffed shells that highlights said ricotta substitutes, but then I stumbled across a 6-year-old recipe from some dude named Andrew Olson and I figured it was worth the risk: https://www.oneingredientchef.com/chicotta-stuffed-shells/.

This recipe makes the filling out of chickpeas, cashews, and spinach--all things I'm willing to eat on their own (tofu, not so much). So this afternoon I took the leap and made the shells.

People. They were incredible.

Oh my god.

Look at 'em:

Look at 'em some more:

They're yummy, they're filling, they're healthy, and they're not a total pain in the ass to make. In fact, you could probably do all the prep in advance, freeze a tray of these, and just stick them in the oven when you're ready to eat.

My only complaint is that the filling seems a bit gritty, but I think that's my blender's fault more than anything else. Next time I might blend the filling in shifts to see if that helps, but even if it doesn't, I will still make this on the regular because DAMN is it delicious.

Vegan Pumpkin Pie is My Superpower

Dear citizens of the Internet:

I am writing to you at this time, fully interrupting your holiday merriment and whatnot, to inform you that I am--100% confirmed--a vegan goddess. Yes, you read that right. My vegan awesomeness has officially transcended this dimension and become supernatural, otherworldy, and downright magical.

I have made a vegan pumpkin pie. And it. was. BOMB.

I swear. I didn't know this was possible. If I had known this was possible, I would have made one a long time ago. I would have...I dunno...attempted world domination or something, because in a universe where I can make a vegan pumpkin pie that is EXACTLY as phenomenal as traditional pumpkin pie, anything is within my reach. I am an unstoppable diva, and I defy you to prove anything different.

(Please don't prove anything different. I deserve this high.)

Look at this pie in all its poorly-photographed majesty:

I know. It's a little ugly, but just think of it as one of those evolutionary self-protection things. The pie thinks if it looks cracked and lopsided, no one will want to eat it.

Well the joke's on that pie, because it is completely irresistible and delicious.

I am mind boggled.

Or, I would be, if I weren't a goddess.

If you would like to replicate this luxurious, heavenly, perfect pie at home, you can find the recipe from Lisa, aka The Viet Vegan: https://thevietvegan.com/vegan-pumpkin-pie/. I followed the suggestion in the comments to whip the aquafaba with sugar before folding it into the pumpkin mix, and I think it really helped the texture. But even without that, I would drink this batter with a straw. It's that amazing.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled holiday festivities. I'll be over here with my pie.

What I Ate This Week

Hello, blogosphere. Nice to see you again.

Aside from that superfast, super low quality post from yesterday, I have not had time for blogging lately. Lots and lots of stuff has been happening. I got a new job (it's boring). I got a new place to live (it's beautiful). I got new roomies (I love them). And I completely forgot how to feed myself, because sometimes my brain is stupid like that.

Luckily, I have lots of people who care about me, and they have kept me from keeling over while my brain has been on the fritz.

Most notably, one of my friends took me to The Little Grill Collective in Harrisonburg, VA on Sunday and we shared a whole pile of delicious vegan food.

It looked prettier before we ate it, I promise.

Our meal included buckwheat pancakes, some kind of fried potato hash thing with mushroom gravy, a chunky tofu scramble (made from local tofu, no less), a soy sausage patty, and veggie chili. Everything was great; I would definitely go back again.

For me, the best part was actually getting to share food with someone. I love it when people eat vegan food with me, but this was the first time I'd ever sat down in a restaurant and been able to split dishes with someone. It was fun to taste different things and talk about them and pick favorites together.

I've also eaten things at home, a fair number of which I have managed to screw up in one way or another.

For example, I made zucchini carbonara from Hot for Food, because it's delicious and I love it.

Except I undercooked my pasta and didn't bother to measure half the ingredients, so it turned out a little less than ideal. It's still one of my favorite recipes, but...definitely follow the recipe.

In honor of the first day of fall, I ate all kinds of autumnal things the first half of the week. I veganized my pumpkin muffins and they were outstanding. I drank sparkling cider and munched on apples. I even attempted a pumpkin pie smoothie, but here's the thing about pumpkin pie smoothies: when you make them, you should definitely not accidentally add half the ingredients for a pumpkin pie smoothie and half the ingredients for a Chunky Monkey smoothie and then blend it all up like nothing's wrong and try to drink it. It won't be good. Take my word for it.

I also made curry, partly because I wanted curry and partly because I bought naan and let it expire and then had to scramble to find a way to feed a bunch of people a bunch of naan before it went moldy. If you want to try it for yourself (expired naan or no), I have the recipe posted here.

Aside from that, I've just been surviving on hummus. Like all the rest of the vegans.

Hope you're doing well, blogosphere. Catch you next time.

Curry ala Greg

Once upon a time, there was a guy who thought veganism was stupid, but he wanted to get into my pants, so he cooked me curry.

His name was Greg.

This is his recipe.

Full disclosure: This is not some kind of love potion curry. It's delicious. It's totally worth making for yourself or sharing with a date. And maybe you'll get lucky. But Greg didn't, and I make no promises for anyone else who makes it.


Here's what you'll need:

2 onions
Oil
3 carrots
Sweet potato (one big one or two little ones)
Seasonings: ginger, garlic, turmeric
1 head broccoli
1 can chickpeas
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can coconut milk
4oz red curry paste
Peanut butter
Rice

Here's what you do:

1. Cook some rice. Whatever kind you like. I don't judge. If your auntie lets you use her rice cooker, do it that way.

2. Chop all the veggies.
 

3. Put the onions in the pot with the oil and let them do onion-y things until they are soft. Shake in some seasonings until you think it smells good. Then dump in all your cans of stuff and all your veggies and maybe some water if the cans of stuff don't cover the veggies, and cook it until the veggies are soft. This is a very specific recipe.

4. Stir in a big spoonful of peanut butter.

5. Serve over rice.


That's it. Best wishes for your curry-related conquests. You got this.

Southern Comfort Food Feast (feat. vegan Potato Salad)

This weekend, I did a miraculous thing and finished my homework early. That left me with a whole Sunday afternoon with nothing to do. This is an absurd freak of the universe, because the last time this happened...was probably like six years ago.

I decided to make the Country Fried Cauliflower from Hot for Food's "Vegan Comfort Classics" cookbook. Ambitious for a whim, I know, but that's not all.

I decided it would be the perfect time to create a southern comfort food feast.

So I made potato salad.

Guys, I have made potato salad exactly once ever before in my life. It wasn't good.

My grandmother used to make potato salad, and I always enjoyed that, but between moving out and going vegan, her potato salad became a distant memory. I asked for the recipe once, but to no avail. She did it all by taste, she said.

I thought that was bologna, but what are you going to say to your grandma?

But today, folks, I did it. I made potato salad from scratch with no recipe (okay, with kind of a recipe), and I even did the thing where you taste the food and decide it needs salt and then taste it again and it's perfect.

I'm officially a 5-star chef. You should kneel before my bowl of potato salad.

I served up my deep fried veggies with barbecue sauce, potato salad, a scoop of mac and cheese, and some green beans. I'm not even kidding, it was a feast fit for kings. Southern, KFC-lovin' kings.

For anyone else looking to improv their own potato salad, here are the notes I jotted down while stirring stuff together:

4 russet potatoes
2 stalks celery
1/2 sweet onion
Vegan mayo
Sugar
Dijon mustard
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Paprika
Apple cider vinegar
Pepper
Salt

- Chop potatoes into bite-sized bits, but not too skinny.
- Cook potatoes until fork tender.
- Rinse in cold water.
- Add to bowl with other stuff, stir together, chill.
- Maybe add parsley or chives next time.

Vegan Meatloaf Thing

If memory serves, I have hosted Christmas at my house for the past six years. There are several reasons for this, some happy (I love food and decorating and my baby brother), and some not so happy (avoiding my abusive father at all costs). I've never regretted the decision to open my doors on Christmas, as hectic and stressful as the day can be. But at the same time, the tradition feels oddly lonely. I don't know anyone else my age who hosts Christmas. It's one of those little niggling things in the back of my mind that makes me realize my life's experiences aren't quite in harmony with those of my peers. But that's all okay. I'm not complaining.

Except for this one thing.

I was chatting with one of my coworkers--who kind of has a stick up her butt, but that's beside the point--about our Christmas plans, and when I told her Christmas was at my house, she asked what I was going to serve. I told her I wasn't entirely sure yet, which was true. I told her that the only thing anyone requested was mashed potatoes, so I was trying to build a meal from there. I told her I would probably serve some kind of meatloaf thing and maybe some Brussels sprouts or something.

Dudes. She was super rude. About me and my damn meatloaf.

Now, I don't go around making a fuss about being vegan, because I know it makes people uncomfortable and is basically social suicide. So notice that I didn't tell her I was making vegan meatloaf. I told her I was making some kind of meatloaf thing.

The judgement--oh my god.

Somehow, this woman was deeply offended that I would serve meatloaf to my family on Christmas. I don't know which part of my plan bothered her, whether it was the meatloaf or the feeding people or the feeding people meatloaf, but my plans clearly did not meet her approval. So much so that when we were getting in our cars to leave, she told me she hoped I figured out something else to make.

Fuck you too, lady.

But you know what? I made my meatloaf thing, and it was damn delicious.

Some people just suck.

If you're surrounded by sucky people and you need to show them up with a top-notch meatloaf thing, then I've got the recipe for you. Alternatively, if you have a teenage brother or a houseful of relatives or, like, some friends who eat food, I've also got the recipe for you. Read on:

Vegan Meatloaf Thing

Ingredients:

Loaf:
2 tsp olive oil
1/2 red onion, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 3/4 cup cooked red lentils (slightly overcooked--should be mushy but still defined)
15oz canned great northern beans
1 1/4 cups breadcrumbs (I used vegan panko)
2 flax eggs (2 tbs flax meal + 5 tbs water)
2 tbs liquid smoke
2 tsp low sodium soy sauce
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
3 tbs tomato paste
1/2 tsp thyme
1/2 tsp oregano

Glaze:
1/4 cup tomato paste
4 tsp apple cider vinegar
2 tbs maple syrup
1/2 tsp salt

Instructions:

1. Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add onions, celery, and garlic. Cook until onions are translucent, stirring occasionally.

2. Stir all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Add everything to a food processor and pulse until combined but still chunky. (I have a dinky "chopper" instead of a food processor, so do mine in batches. A potato masher or your hands would probably work too.)

3. Line a loaf pan with parchment paper. Leave some overhang for easy removal. Press the meatloaf-y glop into the pan, leveling out the top.

4. Stir together the ingredients for the glaze. Spoon it over the loaf and spread it out.

5. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out mostly clean (it might have some glaze on it).

6. Remove from the oven and cool slightly before lifting out of the pan with the parchment paper. Slice and serve.

Adapted from https://jessicainthekitchen.com/vegan-meatloaf-gluten-free/