Monday, August 4, 2014

Brand Wars: Nutella vs. Jif vs. Hershey

I generally avoid super-popular trendy things at all costs. Which is why I haven't read The Hunger Games. And why I didn't see Frozen until February. And also why I didn't jump on the whole belts-go-with-everything bandwagon a few years ago. I figure if everybody likes something, it's probably terrible. That just goes to show you how much faith I have in humanity.

Now, I know you're all going to hate me for this, but I figured since everybody was all about Nutella-this and Nutella-that, Nutella must suck. So, instead of going out and eating some Nutella and having a foodgasm like any normal person, I spent entirely too much money on jars of fake Nutella so I could prove to the universe that Nutella wasn't really that awesome.

I was wrong.

I apologize.

Nutella is freaking awesome.

I came to this conclusion by pitting it against its competitors: Jif Chocolate Flavored Hazelnut Spread and Hershey's Chocolate With Hazelnut Spread.

Each competitor went through four rounds: first impressions, on the spoon, on a strawberry, and on a slice of baguette (because I was feeling all fancy-like and sent my roommate out to buy a baguette).

The first impressions round goes to Jif. Which is good, because none of the other rounds do. The Jif jar is the cutest and easiest to open (damn you, stubborn freshness seals!) and has a spiffy flower-like pattern in the top.

Nutella kind of looks like an oil spill.

The second round was straight off a spoon. Nutella won this, hands down. Jif and Hershey were both very, very thick, which made eating them straight a little icky. The Hershey Spread was underly-nutty and the Jif spread was overly-nutty, so Nutella struck a nice balance of sweet chocolateyness and smooth nuttiness. Nutella also had the most mellow aftertaste, which is to say, I wasn't making the Tim-Allen-just-drank-soy-milk face for five minutes like I was with the other two.

Next up, we have the strawberry test. Gotta tell you, I thought Nutella on a strawberry was pretty nasty. Don't know why. Maybe my strawberry was defective, but I found the full-on chocolate flavor in the Hershey's Spread best suited for strawberry eating. Jif's nuttiness was also a little weird with the strawberry, so score one for Hershey.

Finally, we have the baguette test.

Not sure which I loved more, the bread or the chocolate on top. No, that's a lie. I totally loved the bread more. But the chocolate was good too.

I don't know how I managed to live life without Nutella (and baguettes) for so long, but now that I've found them, I can assure you I will no longer be wearing non-elastic pants.

Tell me, what's your favorite way to eat Nutella? Are there any other wondrous foods I'm missing out on?

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