I Went to Burgatory and it was Beautiful: A Review

If you follow me on Twitter, you probably know I spent some time in the car last weekend to experience the world's best burger.

The world's best burger lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

3 Green Meals for St. Patrick's Day

Saint Patrick's Day is approaching and, sure, you could have the traditional corned beef and cabbage dinner with some green beer for dessert, but let's face it; after you've puked all that up in an alleyway once or twice and been arrested wearing flashing green shamrock glasses and a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirt, you just might want to take it easy this year. If that's the case, read on for my three ideas for green Saint Patrick's Day meals that probably won't make you barf.

Idea #1: Pesto

Start with a green salad.

Wash it down with a festive beverage. Ignore any signs of radioactivity.

Serve pesto and fettuccine as the main course. Secretly dye the pasta water green so your noodles look extra cool in pictures.

Finish the meal with a delightful bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream that you most definitely did not have to buy twice because you bought cheap stuff the first time and then realized it wasn't actually green and had to go back to the store.

Idea #2: Fruit Salad

Get in touch with your inner Martha Stewart and make a fruit salad comprised of all the green fruits you can think of--specifically kiwis, green grapes, Granny Smith apples, and honeydew melon.

For an extra-special presentation, top with yogurt or the green sauce of your choice.

Just to let you know, this isn't my preferred dish as it involves slicing a honeydew melon which is unnervingly similar to a pumpkin on the inside and you all know how I feel about pumpkins.

Idea #3: Mexican

I don't think Saint Patrick's Day is widely celebrated south of the border, but I could be wrong, and just in case, we're going to eat a whole heapload of green Mexican foods. Like chips and salsa.

Or chips and guacamole.

And then a green burrito/wrap thing.

With a margarita.

Bonus Idea #4:

In case your inner Martha Stewart is on the fritz, you can eat split pea soup and lime sherbert, straight out of the tub.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

P.S. If you have a post-puking mugshot of you wearing flashing shamrock glasses and a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" t-shirt, please send me the pics!

Ikea Haul Part 2: Not the Groceries

As you may have heard, I recently ventured to Ikea and purchased a variety of exotic Swedish junk food. I also purchased some snazzy kitchen stuff and some things I plan to use for a top-secret surprise party I'm throwing this summer.

The Snazzy Kitchen Stuff:

Funnels. My roommate has this thing against funnels, which has prevented me from obtaining one for the last almost-three-years. I have decided to stop giving a crap what he thinks of funnels and bought two lime green ones. He'll just have to deal. These funnels set me back a whopping 99 cents.

Fruit Garnishing Set. These are also lime green, which automatically makes them awesome. I bought them mostly because they are lime green, but also because they make cool looking zest strips for garnishing fancy food. This set cost $5.99 and seems to be pretty durable.

Pasta Scoop. Sometimes you just need a pasta scoop. Especially a lime green pasta scoop. Especially a 99 cent lime green pasta scoop.

Plate. The most exciting purchase of the day! A white plate! This plate's name is Fargrik. I don't know what that means, but it was only $2.49, so I don't really care.

Frosted Glass. Not going to lie, this isn't actually for my kitchen, but it was in the kitchen department, so it counts. It's going to be a Q-tip holder, because it was $1.99 which is a whole lot cheaper than my roommate's Q-tip holder.

Hurricane Glasses. Just because it's March and there's snow on the ground doesn't mean I can't have some fruity drink with an umbrella in it. These were $2.99 each and are not shown on the Ikea website because they are in the witness protection program. If anyone asks, their names are Ivan and Charlie.

Drinking Glass. I really wish I had gotten more than one of these. I love the shape and the weight and the fact that it was only $1.99. It makes my regular drinking glasses look like total poser wannabes.

Shelf. This is another super-exciting purchase. Unfortunately, it was an absolute failure. I bought it to add an extra shelf to my freezer, but the shelf I wanted to put it on isn't deep enough. I'm not sure what I'll do with this now, but it's pretty nifty so I'm sure I'll think of something. This was $5.99.


The Top Secret Party Gear:

Frame. I bought ten of these, which made my roommate think I was crazy, but I promise, I have a plan for them. I just can't you what that plan is yet. They were 99 cents each.

Mini Galvanized Buckets. These were actually a lot bigger than I was expecting, so I got away with buying the smaller ones. For 79 cents. Nope, not kidding.

Perler Bead Boards. I had no idea Ikea had these. I found them hiding innocently between the stuffed broccoli and the backpacks. I scooped up two so my brother can help me with the super-secret party decorations. These were $2.00 for each set of four boards.


The Other Random Thing I Bought:

Elf Slippers. These are adorable. If they came in my size I would have bought some for myself, but they didn't, so I bought some for my brother instead, and I'm going to make him wear them no matter how cool he thinks he is. Nobody is ever too cool for elf slippers. Especially elf slippers that come from Ikea and only cost $3.99.


What's your favorite thing to shop for at Ikea?

Check out the other half of my Ikea haul here. Spoiler alert: there may be cookies.

Ikea Haul Part 1: The Groceries

I went to Ikea this weekend.

I love Ikea.

Ikea is amazing.

If you've never been to an Ikea you need to pack some trail mix, get in your car, and drive to an Ikea right now.

While you're there, you can buy totally awesome things in their grocery department.

I usually stay away from the food when I go to Ikea, not because it isn't delicious, but because I like food and will inevitably spend $200 on Swedish delicacies I can't pronounce.

However, I am now a food blogger and have an excuse to buy all the delicacies I want. For you.

Chips Ahoy Ice Cream Creations Root Beer Float Cookies and Imps

The other day I was in Walmart, minding my own business, casually strolling from the cheese to the breakfast cereal when out of nowhere confetti starting falling from the ceiling and invisible imps started playing kazoos and I was reeled toward the cardboard stand in the middle of the aisle screaming "ICE CREAM COOKIES!"

Clearly, my inner fat kid could not pass up the opportunity to test this amazing cookie phenomenon and I carefully selected a package of Root Beer Float cookies and placed them in my cart where they proceeded to stare at me enticingly the entire time I was at the store.

10 Most Useful Things in My Kitchen

To be totally honest with you guys, the most useful thing in my kitchen is actually my refrigerator, but I had some difficulty convincing it to sit pretty while I took its picture so today's list is really the 10 Most Cooperative Things in My Kitchen in No Particular Order. (I may have had to rufie the measuring glass to get him to do what I wanted, but I won't say anything about that if you won't.)


1. Flour and Sugar Tubs

If you have been scooping your flour straight out of the paper bag, you are a caveman who needs to get some manners or be eaten by a dinosaur already. Join civilization and buy some big bins for your baking necessities. These ones are put out by Rubbermaid (translation: they are freaking awesome and will last until the end of time) and cost about $10 at Walmart. The big ones hold an entire 5lb bag of flour or sugar and the smaller one is perfect for bags of brown sugar or powdered sugar.


2. Mini Bowls

I lurve mini bowls. Mini bowls deliver some of the most tasty foods known to man. Tasty foods like ice cream and chocolate chips and buttermilk. They are also excellent for melting butter and mixing fake eggs. The best part? They're dirt cheap. I bought a four pack of the green ones on clearance at Target and the glass ones were fifty cents each at the dollar store. Score!


3. Food Scale

I bought my food scale a couple of years ago when I went on a diet. Its usefulness has since earned it a permanent home on the countertop, right next to the stove, and it is used almost every day. It has measured everything from dry pasta to ground beef to mail and even after a few years is no worse for wear. I got mine at Target for $5 and it stacks inside itself to be a very small store-able package.


4. Paring Knife

Arguably the most useful of the knives. You can use it for peeling potatoes, slicing onions, and--my favorite--cutting the cheese. If I could only have one knife, this would be the one. Except not this one. I'd choose the badass Cutco one that was feeling a little camera shy.


5. Measuring Glass

This sucker is awesome. It measures in teaspoons, tablespoons, ounces, and milliliters. It lives next to my liquor bottles because I don't trust myself to count out shots when inebriated.


6. Brita Pitcher

I live in the country. Except that I live in this suburb outside of a suburb outside of a suburb of the Metro Area surrounded by country. Drive fifteen minutes in any direction and you're in the boonies, but somehow, instead of nice fresh country water that might have a little cow urine in it from time to time, the water that comes out of my taps is actually toxic waste masquerading as H2O. Not kidding. Some days you turn on the sink and smell chlorine, and other days you fill up a glass of water and it turns cloudy white. So a Brita is kind of essential. My roommate and I have two--one in the fridge for drinking and one on the counter for cooking. I highly recommend Brita, but when you go shopping, stay the hell away from the Oceania model. It will pee on your counter, no matter how much electroshock therapy you try.


7. Iced Tea Pitcher

Also made by Rubbermaid, also freaking awesome, also will last until the end of time, and also red. You might not think you need one, but trust me, you need one. Not only is it an excellent iced tea storage facility, but it comes in handy when watering plants or washing your hair when your shower head decides to fall off and hit you in the head and spray a solid jet of water straight into your face. This even has this super-snazzy ice/fruit/random clump strainer thing in the lid. I got mine at Walmart for $5.


8. Strainer

I don't care who you are, I don't care where you live, and I don't care what you're doing. If you don't have one of these, you need to go out and buy one right now. No, seriously, right now. You should not be reading this, you should be buying a strainer, okay? This beautiful device is God's gift to kitchens. It can be used for straining spaghetti, draining things that come in scary can juice, and sifting flour. Did you buy one yet? No? Go! Now!


9. Spaghetti Jar

There is a slight chance I may have a mild addiction to spaghetti. Maybe. As such, I find it necessary to keep my spaghetti on display where I can access it easily should the urge strike to make a delicious bowl of happiness. This particular jar is an airtight Click Clack  canister from the Container Store. It's much more glamorous (and less likely to catch on fire) than keeping a cardboard box of pasta next to the stove.


10. Scissors

If you don't have scissors in your kitchen you must not have found your kitchen yet. Every kitchen needs scissors. If you keep scissors in your kitchen I guarantee you will use them about a million times a day. If you're an elitist buttmunch about kitchen scissors, feel free to buy these. Otherwise, go to the dollar store and buy a pair of crappy scissors you won't be mad about replacing when somebody uses them to cut through the zipties they put around the coffee table legs "for fun."


That's it for my Top 10 List of the Most Useful Things in My Kitchen. What are the most useful things in your kitchen? Tell me in the comments!

Sour Patch Kids Gum is Real and it Exists!

Do you know what's better than a fresh bag of Sour Patch Kids?

I'll give you a hint:

It's not this gum.

When I saw this Sour Patch Kids gum in the checkout line at Target last week, I thought for sure unicorns had delivered the magical substance straight to the Stride factory from Neverland.

Nope.

Not even at all.