Monday, February 3, 2014

Valentine's Day Cupcakes

This is what cupcake porn looks like:

Hubba hubba.

These cupcakes are absurdly easy, thanks to the lovely people at Duncan Hines who do the first eighty-three steps of cake making for us.

All we lazy asses have to do to get our Pepto-Bismol Pink cake (and yes, Pepto-Bismol Pink is a real color, just ask Crayola) is add oil and eggs to some pink powder and stick it in the oven. And then frost it. And then sprinkle it. I now realize it would probably have been easier to just buy some Valentine's Day cupcakes while you were at the store buying all the things to make Valentine's Day cupcakes, but that's not as special, okay? Leave me alone.

Once we've mixed up our pink cake batter and the whole kitchen smells like strawberries, we add the sprinkles!

In case you were wondering, yes, these are the girliest sprinkles I could find.

Pour your batter into a cupcake pan lined with cupcake papers. I used half white cupcake papers and half pink polka dot baby shower cupcake papers, which is totally okay, because I'm pretty sure somebody out there will be pregnant on Valentine's Day. (I'm also pretty sure somebody out there will be pregnant the morning after Valentine's Day. Use protection, kids!)

Put your mismatched cupcakes in the oven and take them out when they look like this:

Mmmm, pink.

Wait for your cupcakes to cool and then frost them and then put sprinkles on them and then take lots of food porn pictures on your front porch in your One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish pajama pants while the snow plow guy snow plows your culdesac. (If you're the guy who didn't buy condoms on February 14th and ended up with a bun in the oven this will be great practice for embarrassing your future child in front of all their friends; just add some hair curlers and bad dance moves and you're all set.)

Eat your cupcake and enjoy the overload of estrogen you will receive from ingesting this much pink.

What are your plans for Valentine's Day?

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