Thursday, July 10, 2014

Embrace Your Inner Redneck with Budweiser's Beergaritas

All across America there are small communities that gladly welcome toilet bowl flower pots, soda bottle bird feeders, and soup can windchimes. They pass their time watching Nascar and yelling at their cousin-brothers to skooch the house back onto the cinderblocks before the next twister comes through. These communities are called trailer parks, and stretching out across the nation you'll find them happily populated by women whose beauty routine consists of throwing some rollers in their hair and lighting a cigarette, men whose Tweetie Bird tattoos span across their enormous hairy bellies, and kids everywhere chasing down squirrels to eat for dinner.

Luckily, Budweiser has given us suburbians and city folk the opportunity to become Trailer Trash too, thanks to their new Beergaritas. Go ahead, take off your bra, black out a tooth, and pop open one of these refreshing redneck beverages.

This fine selection includes not only the classic lime-flavored Beergarita, but also a Straw-ber-rita, a Raz-ber-rita, and a Mang-o-rita.

These are intended to be consumed, in true trailer park fashion, straight from the can with a baby on your hip. If you don't have a baby, try borrowing one from Junior and his gf next door. If you can't find a teenager with a baby, you'll just have to make do with a tube top and some bigass earrings.

If you're trying to trick your classy friends into inadvertently embracing your inner West Virginian ways, pour these over ice and serve them with a slice of lime. Your guests will have no idea they're about to be on Cops for the semi-illegal weed farm out back, and you'll be able to enjoy the steamy summer nights with a Bud Light in hand, just as God intended.

Now, I gotta tell ya, I thought the Mang-o-Rita was as repulsive as flat beer, and I'm fairly confident the Lime-a-Rita was just a regular Bud Light Lime, but luckily the Straw-ber-Rita and Raz-ber-Rita were relatively tolerable. You know, if you like beer in your margaritas.

These just might make you fill up the kiddie pool and soak your toes for a bit while you enjoy the glow of the icicle lights you never bothered to take down. Plus! You can save the multicolored can tabs to make some nifty jewelry for your Mee-Maw. Ain't that somethin!

While we've still got a good six weeks or so before the kiddos head back to the third grade (again), get your mitts on one of these beergaritas, let your confederate flag fly (you racist bastard) and enjoy summer in the trailerhood.

P.S. If your beergarita doesn't look like this by the end of the night, you did it wrong.


  1. I have a few of the strawberitas in my fridge. For those days when I'm feeling low.

    1. Honestly, the strawberry ones weren't all that bad.....I just can't get over the whole canned beer thing.